Can't live without you
by Htress
Summary: When Cloud become suddenly incapacited, Cid and Vincent decide to take him to Rocket Town. After a strange delirious episode, both decide to go to the Northern Crater to see if Sephiroth is responsible for their friend's health state. Shonenai SephXCloud,


Can't live without you

Vincent knocked at the door for the third time. It was worrying him; Cloud had called half an hour ago, telling him to come over to help him, but now… he wasn't answering to his door. The ex-Turk entered, calling his friend's name when he heard someone stir in the living room. Cloud was twitching, curled on his armchair. He looked very tired and weak. Vincent rushed to him.

"Cloud! What is going on with you? " 

The blond just slumped on the vampire, clinging to him, and that's when the dark haired man noticed that Cloud was shaking, probably from the cold that was slipping into his old house. He also realised why he wasn't answering; he was sleeping. Vincent unclipped his cape and wrapped it around his ex leader's shoulders, before poking him awake. Blue eyes slowly opened, and Cloud jumped a little when he saw Vincent kneeled before him.

"Wha--?"

"Cloud… What is going on? Are you okay?"

"Vincent?"

"Yes, Cloud, it's me. Now, are you going to explain why you called me?"

Cloud sighed and turned his head, mumbling in shame that he was too weak to do anything by himself. That took Vincent by surprise; he thought that maybe the blond was sick, (from the way his voiced was sounding on the PHS) but not as much as that. He asked him if he knew why he was in such a state, to which Cloud answered with a shake of his head.

"I just woke up one day like that… maybe two weeks ago. It's like everything isn't responding. Tifa thought I was having a stroke at first. She settled me in the living. Now, I haven't been worse, but I feel cold all the time. Thanks for the cape, by the way." 

Vincent looked around for any sign of the cocoa haired woman.

"Speaking of which, where is she? " 

Cloud's eyes narrowed to slits.

"I see… She did it again?"

"I had warned her. Tifa has no respect for what happened to me, and no respect for him."

Vincent patted the blond's shoulder in comprehension. He knew Tifa would never forgive Sephiroth for his actions, even after his death, and he was also in cold terms with her because of that. After all, the mightiest General of the Shinra army wasn't the son of Hojo, but his own. Soon Cloud's glare became a lost gaze, and he bent his head. A shiver went down his spine, remembering him of his visitor, who was calmly looking at him with a hint of a smile. No words were needed, the grief was lighter because he was shared. Vincent rubbed his shoulder.

"You can't stay here all alone. Allow me to take you to Rocket Town, where we will be able to take care of you until you are better. You have any belongings you want to bring?"

"Toothbrush, and the likes in the bathroom… There's also a black box in my bedroom, under my pillow. And maybe some clothes… sigh Look at me… I can't even stand up to help you…"

"It could have happened to any one of us, Cloud. Just wait here, I'll pack those and saddle Solaris, okay?"

Cloud nodded, but by the time Vincent had come back, he was fast asleep again.

* * *

Solaris was visibly happy to be running free again in his pen. The ride with Cloud had exhausted him, and the bird had slept a long time, but now he was back to his old self. Vincent gave him a little more greens than usual, and two Sylkis, his favourite. The ex-Turk smiled and let the bird eat all he wanted before changing his water and going back inside to wait for Cid. The pilot and him were living together since the end of their crusade to save the planet. Surprisingly, they had found out that they had a lot in common, and Vincent would be the first to admit that maybe something deeper was lingering… But he didn't know if they would find the courage to actually… say it out loud to each other.

Vincent climbed the stairs and entered Cid's room, where Cloud was resting. No sound, no movement apart the slow rise and fall of his chest, the blond was in a deep slumber, and the dark haired man was well placed to tell that he would be hungry when he would wake up. But before he could go down prepare something, Cloud called him feebly. He scooted closer to the bed until the blond could see him. When he did, the blond weakly tried to grab his hand.

"What is it, Cloud? Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"… It's him… It's him, he's calling… suffering… "

Vincent began to panic when he understood what Cloud was implying. The blond was really looking exactly the same as he was during the time of Sephiroth's chase. His gaze was lost, his skin pale and his voice nothing but a soft whisper. His senses were showing him things from elsewhere. Quickly the ex-Turk grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Cloud? What are you talking about?"

"He's alive, alone… and cold… calling me, I hear him scream for help… feel his regrets…"

"Where is he?… How! Cloud! Tell me! Don't go to sleep, Cloud! You can help him if you tell me where he is!"

"…Crater… trapped… "

Under Vincent's horrified look, Cloud closed his eyes, his breath evening once more, returning into oblivion. He had put one and one together; Cloud, during the Meteor incident had been connected to Sephiroth (without knowing it at first) by some sort of bond which had made him vulnerable… mostly to the silver haired man attacks. Maybe now his current health state was the reflection of Sephiroth's… He rushed to his PHS, dialling Cid's number frantically. The gruff voice of the pilot quickly answered.

"Cid! Please you have to come back! We have to go to the Crater! "

* * *

Cid was fuming. Literally. Perched on a cliff and firmly gripping a rope, helping Vincent to pull up what he would have called a few months ago 'the worst fucking calamity this planet had ever borne'. But for Vincent, he would do anything… even help him to rescue his son. It has taken a good hour to convince him, but eventually, after seeing Cloud like that and feeling Vincent's distress… When you knew Vincent wasn't the type of person to show any emotion so extreme… He had given up and now he was freezing his ass off. When they had landed, the ex-Turk had rapidly found the traces of a hunt trail, and small traps, confirming that someone was living in the Crater. A recent set of foot prints were going deeper inside the caverns, where the wind was blowing very strongly. On the edge of a cliff they had discovered the Masamune, and at the bottom Vincent had been able to discern a very recognisable silver haired man half lying under a giant mound of snow. Vincent had hurried to give a rope to Cid and now he was down there.

Suddenly, Cid gripped his cigarette tighter; the rope began to weight a ton, so the pilot drove his feet into the frozen ground, and soon Vincent resurfaced. Alone. Cid must have given him a weird look because the dark haired man tilted his head to the side, a gesture that, strangely, he was doing only in front of him.

"He's not dead, and I do not expect you to be happy about it, Cid. But I need your fire materia in order to free him."

"Do you need help? I can go back to the ship and get some guys… And, err… You know… aww… fuck I'm not good at that, damnit! I'm sorry we had to do that, y'know?"

"You don't have to apologise to me, Cid. I think he is ashamed of himself, right now, and even if the Planet gave him another chance, he does not believe that he can be forgiven."

"How can you know for sure?"

"He… hasn't left the Crater, even to get supplies and… If he's anything like his father, he will blame himself for everything that had happened."

An odd silence followed, Vincent took hold of Cid's materia, grateful that he would try to forgive his son. They looked at each other, a small sparkle of amusement in the deep red orbs made the pilot's cheeks flame up and he gave Vincent the rope before stomping out to get the strongest men of his crew. The ex-Turk tied it to a solid ice pillar and began to descend once more. At the bottom, Sephiroth lay, motionless, unconscious and cold, unaware of Vincent's presence. Unbuttoning his heavy coat, the dark haired man covered his son before trying to free him, using the fire materia.

* * *

Cloud was tossing restlessly in the bed, his body sweating profusely from a fever he didn't know he had. His head was full of confusing thoughts, and the mass was giving him the impression that he was drowning in the sea during a terrible storm. Something was happening, he could feel it… He jerked awake, trembling and breathing hard. The cloth that had been left on his forehead fell on the bed. He could hear a scream, and soon he realised it was his. He was trying to calm down when the door burst open and Cid came stomping in, grabbing him by the shoulders.

"What in the name of… Cloud! Snap out of it, dammit!"

"………Cid? Where… Where are we?"

"Back to Rocket Town… Geez, kid, don't go hyper on me, just breathe. "

Cloud fell back on the bed, Cid's hand still on his shoulder and he closed his eyes, concentrating on getting his breath back.

"Is there anythin' I can get for ya? Vin told me you haven't eaten since yesterday…"

"Ah… some soup would be great, thanks Cid. And I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Naah, it's nearly noon. I closed the blinds this morning so you could sleep in just fine. Be right back. Two soups on the way!"

Cloud lifted an eyebrow at this. Why would Cid bring up two soups? But that wasn't the strangest of things; he was feeling lighter. Too weak to try and stand up, but well enough to stay awake and at least sit up. His thoughts were clear suddenly; the fever gone. He passed a hand on his forehead, wiping away the cold sweat there. He sighed when he felt his arm tremble.

"Are you sure you can eat by yourself?"

"I can manage."

"Alright. Be back later."

"Err… Cid? Can I ask for something?"

"Go ahead. Hum, I will need to take a shower, eventually…"

"No problem. As soon as Vin finishes with Sephiroth, you're next."

Cloud's eyes widened and he nodded a little shakily. He looked down to his soup and began slowly to eat. It must have taken some time, because when he lifted his head, Vincent and Cid were there, waiting for him to finish. He placed the empty bowl on the bedside table, pushing the covers while Vincent was giving him the chance to get up. To what he failed miserably, and both men were forced to transport him into the bathroom, undress him (to Cloud's shame) and wash him. The blond was very uneasy, but the ex-Turk hushed him, saying that he was way too weak to be left alone in the tub. Cloud felt very dizzy all of a sudden, proving Vincent's sayings, and he leaned against him.

"I'm done, Vin. Hey, what's happening to him?"

"I think he's having a bout of dizziness. And Sephiroth?"

"Sleepin' like a log. He's going to be alright, even talked to me a little. He wanted to know if you were really his father… Here, leave the kid to me and go relax for a while. You haven't slept in days."

"I know... I'll just give a call to the hospital and take an appointment for Cloud. Something is not right with him."

* * *

Cloud collapsed on the bed. Cid and him just came back from the hospital and the spiky haired blond was thoroughly exhausted. He had passed a full battery of tests; scans, blood tests without counting the numerous monitoring, X-rays etc… By the time they left, the sun was just starting to set. The pilot pulled the covers over Cloud."If you need anything, just call, okay? " 

But he received no answer. Vincent passed his head in the doorway, and he was quickly followed by a taller, silver haired man who, despite his precarious state, wanted to talk to Cloud. The dark haired man shook his head though, whispering that it was better not wake him up now. Sephiroth looked deceived, but asked nonetheless if he could stay with him for a little while, and that was something Vincent couldn't refuse to him. Cid installed him in the chair, then left, closing the door behind him. Both men went down the stairs and sat down in the kitchen, the pilot getting up a moment to prepare some tea.

"So, did the doctor told you anything?"

"Yes, and no. They still dunno what the fuck is wrong with him. But I can tell you it won't be pretty. The only thing that doc told me, is that he seems to go down very fast."

"Degenerating disease?"

"Kind of, he seemed very worried, can't be sure of anything, though. You know, with all that shit Hojo did to him… Err, sorry Vince."

"It's okay, Cid. Unfortunately, I think you may be right. With that Calamity gone, he may become seriously invalid… And I fear to think he could even…"

"Don't say it. If you don't, it won't fucking happen."

Vincent smiled, and a small chuckle escaped his lips. Cid was known to be almost too gruff to be sensible, and now he was very concerned with Cloud's health. Still smiling, he took a sip of tea, absently tracing the curve of his mug when the pilot asked him a question.

"Say, you think those two will end up together again?"

"It will depend, Cid. If Sephiroth is willing to be forgiven by Cloud, and if Cloud wants Sephiroth back… It may work out. I think they'll be just fine, if we give them time. By the way, you seem to get along with him."

"He's… a lot like you, so I think, hell, even if I wanted to, I couldn't be angry with him for very long."

Cid bit his tongue, knowing he had let slip what he didn't want to… He always thought it could frighten Vincent if he was admitting his feelings for him, and for now he as still trying to find a way to tell him. But he was surprised when he heard Vincent chuckle.

"I know, Cid. " 

It took him a few seconds to understand what he had just said, and by the time he did, Vincent was gone and the house was quiet. Cid was left alone with his thoughts once again. He sighed, and went into the living room, where he would try to sleep tonight.

* * *

"Cid! What are you doing?" 

Vincent took the spoon the pilot was holding and gave him a knife.

"Unless you want to put butter in your coffee, I suggest you to try with a knife. Looks like you haven't sleep at all last night. Maybe you should go in my room and take a nap?"

"Isn't Sephiroth…?"

"He's healing fast, so he is already helping Cloud with his breakfast. Just go up there, you seem to need it."

Cid grunted, but stood and accepted Vincent's offer. Climbing the stairs, he took a glance into his own room. He wasn't prepared to what he saw; Sephiroth had apparently lost consciousness and was unmoving on the floor. Cursing, the pilot rushed to him, flipping him over to put a hand over his mouth; he was barely breathing. When he wanted to check his pulse, though, he really began to panic. He was /cold/. Cold as ice.

"Vincent! Vin! Get some help, now!"

"Cid? What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Shit, no! Nothing is Fucking alright! Call a doctor, an ambulance anything to get help /now! He's fucking cold as the fucking Northern Crater! "

Cid heard a crash downstairs, then Vincent's voice talking to someone on the phone, then he was running upstairs.

* * *

Sephiroth looked up and saw a pale face framed with ebony hair looking down on him. Vincent was also holding his hand and he was visibly worried. Beyond him he could see the sparse furniture and the over-bleached colour of the walls. He was lying in a single bed, and the odour floating in the air made his stomach turn; the hospital wasn't his cup of tea."How do you feel? " 

The soft voice of his father made it easier to repress all of the bad impressions and memories for which Hojo was responsible for. His gaze returned to Vincent; he was reaching for a stray silver strand which he gently pushed away. Sephiroth blinked. He certainly didn't feel well, and the only thing he could think of was…

'You just get out from that lab you say? And still you keep lying to me? No one can say he's feeling alright after a Mako treatment, Seph… I know you must be feeling like shit, let me help… Please?'

"Like shit… Father? W-What happened?"

"The doctor told us you suddenly fell into a coma. You gave us quite a scare…"

"And Cloud? Where is Cloud? "

There was a pause in which Vincent seemed to search his words.

"Sephiroth, you were in a coma for eight weeks, and Cloud… Cloud was sick when I went to retrieve you, it only worsen since then…"

"I want to see him! I have to! Take me to him, please!"

Cid didn't know if he should say something. He was very uneasy since he'd been allowed in… It wasn't unexpected, but to actually see Cloud like this, it was a shock. To say the least, Cid was petrified. Someone moved behind him, but he didn't even twitched when Vincent, supporting Sephiroth, brushed past him. The silver haired man was shaking from all the efforts he was doing, and Vincent was quick to bring him a chair so he could sit down. Shaking himself, he walked behind him and put his hands on his shoulders. Cloud looked at them with half closed lids, breathing with difficulty. But there was a smile on his face.

"… Seph… " 

Sephiroth couldn't move, and neither answer. He was too shocked. His trembling hands found Cloud's, and the only thing he could do for now was hold them silently. After a while, though, he realised he was alone and Cloud was still smiling sleepily at him.

"… I am glad… to see you again." 

That was unexpected to Sephiroth. He couldn't believe Cloud was happy to see him when he had been the cause of his downfall. He had killed his mother, destroyed his hometown, played with his mind… The blond hasn't held any grudge against him… There was a knot in his stomach that was painfully making it's way up and got stuck in his throat. He hadn't realised how badly he was shaking until Cloud squeezed his hands. Finally, it was too much, for once in his life he was given a chance to atone, but he was losing the most precious person to him. His head fell on the edge of the bed and a few tears made their way down his cheeks.

"I wanted… I wanted to say that I am sorry for everything I've done to you, Cloud."

"I know… but I am not angry at you… I never stopped loving you, in fact. Strange no? You… destroyed everything…… Still, I forgive…… "

Sephiroth suddenly lifted his head and looked right into Cloud's blue eyes.

"Don't talk… please! It hurts! Why can't they take me instead! I have sinned! I have murdered! I don't want you to die! Don't leave me!"

"I don't know, Seph… That is not for me to decide… "

For as long as he remembered, Sephiroth never cried and now he was sobbing like a little kid. Cloud was trying to soothe him, stroking his hair, when he suddenly stopped, a small sigh escaping his lips. The silver haired man didn't have time to do much as lift his head, because he felt something inside his chest, then everything went black. Unaware of the white light that was surrounding them.

* * *

There was a gloomy light coming in from the window of his room when Sephiroth woke up. It was night again. Somehow, the last times he had come around, he did it at night, his father asleep on his side. The silver haired man felt already bad enough because he was causing trouble to Vincent, he was a little reticent to disturb his sleep. So he was staying awake, thinking and dwelling in doubt. Sometimes the loneliness was clamping his heart so tight that a few tears were making their way down his cheeks, and still, he couldn't resign himself to wake Vincent. He felt he deserved what was happening. He had done so may deeds in his past life that he deserved to be punished. He had just wished Cloud would be left out of it…"Ah, I knew you were awake at night. Don't hide, Sephiroth, because if you do, you'll never know what you are missing. " 

He had expected it to be his father's voice, but when he turned his head to see whoever was talking to him, he didn't believe it. He murmured his name painfully, but was answered with a light chuckle. Cloud smiled and offered his hand to Sephiroth who took it shakily. Then he felt a movement beside him.

"I'm not dreaming, no? " 

Vincent was looking at him with half-closed lids, blinking. Sephiroth answered softly and both men laughed quietly when the dark haired man just fell back on his arm and returned to sleep.

* * *

Few months later

Sephiroth passed his head through the window and looked where Cloud was reading. The meal was almost ready so he called him. The blond didn't move. He called a little louder, but still got no answer. Worry, he got out to get to him and realised with relief that he had just dozed off in the late afternoon sun. Rocket Town, contrasting with Nibelheim, was a tranquil town with a quiet aura. After he had been released from the hospital, Cloud had been slow to recover his strength. Mostly because he had lost so much weight. If possible, he looked frailer than he was when he had entered Shinra army. Sephiroth crouched near Cloud and took the book that was lying on his stomach, putting it aside. He couldn't deny the fact he had difficulties to live with his past, but he couldn't deny either that he still loved Cloud… And without realising it, he was caressing his hair gently and found out that he didn't want to wake him up at all. He was staring, he knew, at that beautiful face, relaxed and peaceful under the powerful spell of a deep slumber. The small blond sighed and his arm mechanically searched around for something to hold.

Unaware of the fact that Vincent had gotten out to watch what was going on, Sephiroth bent down and lightly kissed Cloud's lips. Then, silently watching if he was to wake, he put back the book where it rested initially, gently picking him up. The blond was taken directly to the guest room to rest as long as he wished. Just as he was about to get out, Vincent was bringing him a tray of food.

"Just stay with him. You can have the couch if you're still uneasy with him."

"But, where will you sleep? I thought you… wait a minute, you finally…?"

"Take no offence of it, Sephiroth, but being reunited with you made me realised how much I could lose just by constantly live in waiting. I decided to act, for my own good."

"…… I still love him. I just don't know if I deserve it… "

Vincent just squeezed his shoulders and placed a light kiss on his son's forehead.

"You will find a way to live with your past, and maybe the answer lies within your emotions toward Cloud. If you really love him, courage won't be long to come to you. Good night, Sephiroth."

"Good night, Father. "

* * *

Cloud turned over in his bed, trying to hide from the sun, which was offending his desire to stay asleep. Doing so, he found himself buried into the warmth, a feeling so familiar and welcomed that he didn't realised what it was. Through half closed lids, he saw a long arm stretch up and close the blinds. Something nuzzled his hair, there was a shifting then the covers and the same arm went around his torso. A switch suddenly lit in his head.

"Sephiroth?"

"Shh… Sleep. Unless you don't want me to be here…"

"Mmm… If you stay, I won't have to get up?"

"Err… no, I guess…"

"Then I definitively want you here… "

The blond lazily kissed Sephiroth's throat before drifting back into sleep. The silver haired man felt so good just holding Cloud, and it remembered him the time before he went… berserk. Those memories, at that very moment, washed away his guilt. At least for a time, which made him think that if he could feel so at peace with Cloud, maybe his past would be easier to bear? And the wonderful tingling feeling of his feathery kiss… making him vibrate with a new determination.

"Stop thinking, you'll end up with a migraine." 

Vincent was looking at him from the door, a smile on his face and a tray in hands. He tried not to disturb Cloud and gave his son a good portion of home made waffles covered with a delicious-looking strawberry sauce. He began to eat, but soon enough he had finished the plate and Cloud was snoring quietly. He was looking pale, though, and it was worrying slightly Sephiroth. Carefully, he muffled the blond into the covers and leaned him against the pillows, leaving him to rest as long as he wished.

Vincent, Cid and Sephiroth planned a quick tour of Rocket Town that day. Mostly to buy some supplies for the diner, and Sephiroth ended up with his arms full of grocery bags and clothing. Bags that he dropped as soon as he put a foot in the house. A very quiet house. The silver haired man climbed the stairs and entered his bedroom; Cloud was still in the bed, though he was awake. Without a word, Sephiroth ran to him, picked him up and carried him downstairs. Cid was soon joining him, and they both decided to take him to the hospital again. So when Vincent came out of the kitchen, he just saw them get out, Cloud's body dandling limply between them. Sighing, he just returned to his previous task, waiting for the phone to ring.

* * *

Few months later

Sephiroth pushed open the door of their new house, helping Cloud to come in. The young blond stepped in, leaning on his cane, panting, visibly with great difficulty. His last trip to the hospital had uncovered, due to the unsettled JENOVA cells in him, a mass near his heart that was causing massive pressure drops. Few days later, he was going under an open heart surgery to remove it. Now he was still recovering, taking care not to push himself too hard. So when he saw the face Cloud was doing, Sephiroth picked him up and brought him to the bedroom. Both of them found out they loved the quiet Rocket Town.

"Are you hungry," the silver haired man asked softly," Would you like some soup?"

"Naa… Too hot for that. I'm in the mood for a nap…"

"Alright, then. Do you want to take a shower first? "

There was a playful glint in Sephiroth's eyes, and Cloud nodded, letting himself being lifted again. Since the last months, the silver haired man had done a serious introspection on his feelings, on his past… With Vincent's help, he worked on himself, and, surprisingly enough, he asked help to Cid and Cloud in forgiving himself. What he was still trying to accomplish. The greatest step he had made was this house. In fact, he had made it constructed in great secrecy, and then, stunning both Cid and Vincent, he had asked Cloud if he wanted to live with him.

Cloud was shaken out of his thoughts when a soft washcloth was roaming on his body, creating a thin layer of bubbles on his skin. He felt whole again. Turning around, he squeezed himself on Sephiroth as both stepped under the water spray. Without a word, their lips met, tongue against tongue, and when they parted, it was only to start anew. Body giving up, Cloud leaned heavily on his mate. He was not surprised when the silver haired man scooped him up again. But he lacked the strength to stay awake, upon being laid on the bed he sighed and closed his eyes. Something nudged the entrance of his mouth and he granted access, swallowing the small tablet. Then Sephiroth laid beside him, wrapping an arm around his torso.

"Sleep well… " 

There was no answer. Sephiroth contemplated the sleeping form beside him; everything he was working out on himself seemed reflected in him. His mind had finally stopped it's attempts to make him feel guilty. His arms brought Cloud's body closer to him, his nose buried into the still wet flattened spikes.

"I just couldn't live without you… " 

Sephiroth closed his eyes and fell asleep, a peaceful smile on his lips.

End

Author's notes

Phew! That was a long one…So, any comments?


End file.
